My doctor suggested that I may be allergic to my cats. Of course, the obvious solution is to remove the offensive allergen. But you see, I’m very, very fond of my cats. Apart from vacuuming and wiping all the corners of my small apartment, washing all the sheets and upholstery and keeping the windows open, I don’t know what else I can do to make living with 7 giant furballs more tolerable. Should I shave them bald? Keep them locked in the bathroom during the hours when I’m awake? Ok, just kidding!

Are you allergic to your pets but still live with them? How do you cope?

As a child, I found it terribly difficult to fit in. I didn’t speak much in class nor did I have many friends. In fact, my report cards were filled with notes such as, “Needs to participate in class”, “Very quiet in class” or “Too quiet!!!”.

Most of the time I did have something to say, but when called to participate I’d usually blank out. I maintained that I wasn’t shy, I just didn’t like to be overwhelmed by attention.

When I first started using the Internet more than 10 years ago, one of the applications I enjoyed using the most was the IRC, because I loved the fact that no one knew who I really was. With it I can anonymously be myself (does this even make sense?). However, I found out talking incognito to a group of people in real-time online had the same effect it would in real life — it drained my energy out.

When I started working, I knew I had to change. So I became or tried to become more sociable. I managed by assigning short “talking sessions” (yes it was that unnatural) with colleagues followed by longer solitary “me times”. (If I’m not slated to talk to someone, I’d try my best to avoid that person.)

I applied this system throughout my daily life — I found the more mentally prepared I was for a situation, the better I’d perform — and managed relatively well (the keyword here is “relatively”).

Like I said, I’m not shy. My work calls for numerous presentations, which I take in stride. When I’m talking about a topic I know intimately and have prepared well for I do not have a problem with speaking to a group of people. It was therefore very odd and embarrassing to find myself struggling when it comes to small talk with my clients.
A few months ago, I chanced upon this book — The Introvert Advantage – How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney. For the first time in my life I felt like somebody finally understood me. The book is filled with examples of people like me, facing and managing situations in remarkably similar fashion. If you’re an introvert let me just say “Go buy this book now, believe me it’s worth it!” If you need more convincing, read on.

This book is slightly over 300 pages long and divided into three parts:

1. Fish Out of Water
2. Navigating the Extrovert World
3. Creating a “Just Right” Life

Fish Out of Water

The book starts by determining whether you are an introvert or not (there’s a little quiz at the end of the first chapter):

“The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: Introverts draw energy from their internal world of ideas, emotions, and impressions… they can be easily overstimulated by the external world… introverts need to balance their alone time with outside time”

It goes on to explore the fundamental differences between introverts and extroverts. Apparently the brain works in a slightly different manner for introverts.

One message that reverberates through the chapters is that of accepting who you are, whether if you’re an innie (introvert) or an outie (extrovert).

One thing I like in particular is the fact that the writer, Marti, an introvert, gave good examples of how she and her extrovert husband resolve conflicts and come to compromises in their life together, e.g. when choosing an activity or a vacation. My brother and closest friends are ALL outright extroverts so you can imagine how glad I was to read about someone else dealing with the same challenges I had.

Navigating the Extrovert World

The second section of the book teaches you how to cope with extroverts and the pro-extrovert world that we live in. A chapter each is devoted to of the following: parenting, socialising and working. My parents are both introverts, so I didn’t have the problem of feeling like the weird one out, however extroverted parents who are frustrated with their seemingly “unsociable” introvert child may find this section useful (you might also be interested in The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child by the same author).

I feel this part of the book is a good read for anyone in a position of authority — parent, teacher, boss — even if you are not an introvert yourself because it can help greatly in conflict management.

There’s also a chapter dedicated to dating which addresses the difficulties of introvert and extrovert pairings in all its permutations (e.g. innie female + outie male).

Creating a “Just Right” Life

The final section is about taking steps to ensure a balanced, healthy life — how to find your personal pace, sort out your priorities so as to not overwhelm yourself and defining parameters that you are comfortable with. There are also practical suggestion on how to nurture your introvert self.

The last chapter is about extroverting yourself. “Extroverting myself? I thought this book is about accepting me being an introvert?!” you ask. Yes, you see, the fact of life is, we need to be extrovert at times — at a job interview for instance, or when making new friends. And more often than not, we need to do some extroverting to achieve our dreams and goals. This last chapter will walk you through the steps.

I read a lot of books every weekend and as you might have noticed, I only put reviews and links to books I had enjoyed. With that in mind, I cannot overemphasise how much this book has helped me in coping as an introvert. If you are an introvert, you’d do yourself a great favour by reading this book. :)

Or you could try avoiding people for the rest of your life. :O

Quitters never win and winners never quit, right? Well according to Seth Godin, author of “The Dip – A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (And When to Stick)“, winners quit all the time — they just quit the right stuff at the right time.

Every new project starts out fun and exciting. Then it gets harder and harder, until it hits a point where it becomes not much fun at all. If you find yourself asking if the goal is even worth the hassle you may be in a Dip—a temporary setback that will get better if you keep pushing.

This book is short — 80 pages long — and lists out seemingly obvious facts that can be summarised as follows:

1. Be the best in the world;
2. If you’re in a dead-end situation (or a cul-de-sac), you should quit;
3. If it’s something worth doing, there is likely a Dip that you have to overcome before achieving real success

All that said, Seth has a way of writing that makes you think. Take being best in the world. “Being the best” here means the best for your intended audience/customer, right now, based on what they believe and what they know, and “in the world” meaning their world, the world they have access to. An example from the book:

“If I’m looking for a freelance copy editor, I want the best copy editor in English, who’s available, who can find a way to work with me at a price I can afford. That’s my best in the world.”

Overall an easy and inspiring read, I enjoyed the book a lot and would recommend it to anyone who is in a trying position (whether in a job or starting a company/new project etc) and is unsure whether to quit or stick.